It’s always refreshing to know that the saints or saintly people had a human side. Some, like St. Louis de Montfort and St. Damien of Molokai, both had angry temperaments that they had to conquer. Sister Lucia was known for her “rough” temperament and tendency towards impatience with others.
As a young Dorothean nun at Pontevedra, Spain (she was known then as Sister Maria das Dores), knowing the Rules for humility and docility regarding menial chores, she struggled with her temperament on more than one occasion. One story as told by Father Robert Fox in his book The Intimate Life of Sister Lucia, Lucia was coming down the stairs carrying a mattress and a young novice asked if she needed help. Lucia replied curtly, “If you do not have anything to do, ask the Mistress of Novices for work.” The young novice was rightly upset and took it to the Mistress of Novices, who told her, “Sister, don’t consider Sr. Dores a saint just because Our Lady appeared to her. She has to work to be one.”
Other third-party testimonials refer to similar roughness in Lucia. The privilege of corresponding with an angel and the Blessed Mother was not enough for saintliness.
Lucia experienced favors from heaven at the age of 6 when she saw the statue of Mary smile at her and heard a voice inside after her first Holy Communion. She was also the youngest of the dos Santos children and highly favored among her parents and siblings. After the apparitions at age 13, she was sent to a school for girls in Porto and was to remain anonymous. It was her first experience having to live with other personalities outside of her family in an environment that was not conducive to prayer and meditation. Her character defects and sins began to emerge as she struggled to conform herself to God’s will.
What helped her most in these formative years was to surrender to her daily duties no matter what was asked of her, and to glorify God by offering them to Him as an act of love. This was the essential sacrifice Our Lady asked for at Fatima, because it is how we detach from ourselves and the earth. Once she surrendered to the frustrations of convent life, she began to grow spiritually. In a letter to Lucia’s spiritual director in1925, her Mother Superior wrote, “she continues in her saintly simplicity and humility so much so that she enchants all of her companions. I have her set the meanest and humblest duties, but no matter what duty I have set her, it is always accomplished.” (Intimate Life, p 130).
The Key to growth in holiness – Examination of Self
Over time in the convent, living in close quarters with the other novices and sisters, Lucia developed a profound awareness of her defects and habitual sins. She compiled a list of these, which was written around 1934 and found later by her Mother Superior in the convent archives. It is one that we can all utilize in examining ourselves. Father Fox states that her level of self-awareness shows how much she grew in grace and holiness over those 10 or so years (from 1925). The list, in Lucia’s own words, has been organized into four categories, but they can overlap as well.
Pride/Impatience (perfectionism, not seeing that our gifts and everything good comes from God alone)
- Not valuing the work of others.
- In my eyes I think my work better than others.
- To want others to esteem my work.
- Lack of patience in unforeseen events.
- Lack of respect for the opinion of others
- The difficulty in allowing others’ opinions to prevail.
- Not taking correction willingly.
- To remain quiet many times in order not to have my opinion rejected with people who I know beforehand have to win the argument even without good reason.
Self Love (need for recognition, woundedness, insecurity, wallowing in emotions)
- Excessive propensity to be grieved with trifles.
- Sadness and weariness produced by wounded self love.
- Self love which leads me to have my view prevail.
- Consenting to complaints of self love.
- Egoism which leads me so many times to choose the best for myself.
- Lack of respect and disdain for those who contradict me.
- Concentrating on the faults of others without seeing my own.
- Allowing myself on many occasions to be very happy or very sad.
Lack of Charity/Forgiveness (rudeness, impatience, egoism, false pride)
- Resentments which do not allow me to forget the defects of others.
- Faults against charity which these resentments lead me to.
- Curt replies to the Sisters – Failing to be pleasant with others.
- Being rude to those who displease me.
- Uncharitable thoughts and words.
- Omissions of charity.
Lack of discipline in the spiritual life (apathy, sloth, indifference)
- Resistance to grace.
- Distractions which diminish insights of faith and touches of grace.
- Curiosities.
- Useless words in moments of silence.
- Carelessness in the practice of small sacrifices.
- Not being punctual enough.
- Failing of devotion in my spiritual duties and visits to the Blessed Sacrament.
- Failing to be diligent in obedience.
- Failing to use ejaculatory prayers during the day to maintain my union with God.
- Failing to visit the Blessed Sacrament in my free time.
During these 40 days of Lent, we are called to take a good look at ourselves and work on those areas that are obstacles to charity, mercy and growth in holiness. Sister Lucia shows us that we need to dig deep in our examinations of conscience.
Check out our exclusive Fatima Today Podcast!
Join Barb Ernster and Katie Moran as they discuss Lucia’s personal self-examination, where she identified struggles with pride, self-love, lack of charity, and spiritual discipline. Her honest reflection serves as a guide for us, especially during Lent, to examine our own weaknesses and grow in virtue. Through her journey, we learn that holiness is not given but earned through daily sacrifice, humility, and surrender to God’s will.
Barb Ernster is the National Coordinator/Communications Manager/Editor for the World Apostolate of Fatima USA.
